“Always something new. Just for you. It’s easy to stay motivated when there’s always something fresh.” Calf raises while standing in line at the Apple Store Chasing a chicken at full speed, in the style of Rocky Balboa, but with an infant strapped to your chest in a BABYBJÖRN Clapping pushups, done silently, during a Zoom conference call Lift your infant and leash your dog at…

“I just have so much to do, so much homework, deadlines in other classes. I don’t know how I’m going to do it,” the student told me during an advising meeting. They felt overwhelmed but I assured them, “It’ll all work out, you’ll get it done. …

Meth Muskrat Dopey Donkey Tweaking Terminator Zombie Pork Chops Cocaine Cow Cocaine Pug

I’ve been asking myself Where do we go from here? since March 2020, when I, like most of the world, moved indoors full time. A year later, thanks to social distancing and vaccines, there’s talk about “getting back to normal” or finding “post-pandemic normalcy.” But what the fuck is normal…

Your days of screaming “WTF!?” after seeing your parent on social media will be gone FOREVER! Overview Don’t let your mom, dad, or mom & dad irritate you with their fucking stupid click bait, comments, posts, and tweets on social media! The ParentMuter extension for Chrome omits any and all bullshit they’ve posted, wiping it off your user interface.

Break-up letter, getting rid of the very large and very senseless pillow collection you’ve amassed because you’ve finally come to your senses: nobody will visit and stay the night in the guest bedroom(s), nobody needs this many pillows, I have a problem College application letter, but you’re applying to a…

Mr. Nobody: Thanks to your botched smuggling job, we made Interpol’s top 10 most wanted list. Chewbacca: UUGHGHHHGH UUGHGHHHGH AWWGGGGHHH AAAHNRUH HNNNHRRHHH. Mr. Nobody: Well, not you, Chewie. Chewbacca: AARRRAGGHUUHW AAAAAHNR UGGGUH?? Mr. Nobody: You just missed the cut, you’re number 11. So… Chewbacca: AARRR WGH GGWAAAH!!! [Snickering from the…

Probably not. Anyone else? That’s not saying much. I told you that was a bad idea. I will help you. I have spoken. Stop touching things. Was that the plan? You done? Nice distraction. This is the way.

June 2020: Cameo offers Zoom calls with celebrities, including a 10-minute session with Jeremy Piven for $15,000 USD.