“Always something new. Just for you. It’s easy to stay motivated when there’s always something fresh.” Calf raises while standing in line at the Apple Store Chasing a chicken at full speed, in the style of Rocky Balboa, but with an infant strapped to your chest in a BABYBJÖRN Clapping pushups, done silently, during a Zoom conference call Lift your infant and leash your dog at…

“I just have so much to do, so much homework, deadlines in other classes. I don’t know how I’m going to do it,” the student told me during an advising meeting. They felt overwhelmed but I assured them, “It’ll all work out, you’ll get it done. …

I’ve been asking myself Where do we go from here? since March 2020, when I, like most of the world, moved indoors full time. A year later, thanks to social distancing and vaccines, there’s talk about “getting back to normal” or finding “post-pandemic normalcy.” But what the fuck is normal…

Break-up letter, getting rid of the very large and very senseless pillow collection you’ve amassed because you’ve finally come to your senses: nobody will visit and stay the night in the guest bedroom(s), nobody needs this many pillows, I have a problem College application letter, but you’re applying to a…

Mr. Nobody: Thanks to your botched smuggling job, we made Interpol’s top 10 most wanted list. Chewbacca: UUGHGHHHGH UUGHGHHHGH AWWGGGGHHH AAAHNRUH HNNNHRRHHH. Mr. Nobody: Well, not you, Chewie. Chewbacca: AARRRAGGHUUHW AAAAAHNR UGGGUH?? Mr. Nobody: You just missed the cut, you’re number 11. So… Chewbacca: AARRR WGH GGWAAAH!!! [Snickering from the…

June 2020: Cameo offers Zoom calls with celebrities, including a 10-minute session with Jeremy Piven for $15,000 USD.