Chewbacca Interviews with a Major Airline

FADE IN:
EXT. CORPORATE BUILDING — ESTABLISHING—DAY

CUT TO:
INT. HUMAN RESOURCES, EXECUTIVE’S OFFICE — CONTINUOUS

The EXECUTIVE sits at a desk and is wearing a suit. He is handsome and well groomed. He takes out a bottle of Jim Beam from a drawer.

SFX: RING RING

The Executive picks up the phone.

EXECUTIVE
Yes?!

CUT TO:
INT. HUMAN RESOURCES OFFICE ADMINISTRATION — WAITING AREA AND SECRETARY’S OFFICE

The camera looks down on the SECRETARY, who sits at her desk and looks up in the direction of the camera. She appears nervous, even frightened.

SECRETARY
(scared)
Sir?! There’s somebody…
(pause)
(whispering slyly)
something… here to see you. He says you’re expecting him.

CUT TO:
EXECUTIVE’S OFFICE

EXECUTIVE
I’m not expecting anybody. I’ve got an 11 a.m. tee time. Tell him to come back later.

The Executive hangs up the phone and starts pouring himself a drink. He puts the bottle down and closes it, picks up the glass, and begins to sip lightly, going back to the work he was in the middle of on his personal computer.

CUT TO:
SECRETARY’S OFFICE

SECRETARY
(hanging up phone)
He says you’ll have to come back later. I’m sorry.

CUT TO:
EXECUTIVE’S OFFICE

The Executive stands up, takes off his jacket and then takes off his sweater to reveal a light-weight golf shirt. He grabs a baseball cap off a nearby coat hanger.

SFX: BLAST BLAST BLAST

The Executive rolls his eyes, puts the hat back on the coat hanger, sits back down at his desk, picks up the phone, and dials quickly.

SFX: BLAST BLAST BLAST

SFX: EXPLOSION

The camera turns and zooms towards the Executive’s office door, which is now smoldering with plums of smoke clouding the view. As the smoke clears, CHEWBACCA becomes visible.

CHEWBACCA
RAWWWWGGHHRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

EXECUTIVE
(putting down the phone)
Hello. How can I help you?

CHEWBACCA
ROOHRRR. RWAR? OWR OWR! ARRAAACKK.

EXECUTIVE
(kindly)
Okay. I see. Please have a seat.

The camera pans with Chewbacca as he walks towards the Executive’s desk, pulls a seat out, slings his Wookiee Crossbow over a shoulder, and sits down erectly in the chair, towering over the Executive.

EXECUTIVE
Mister… Chewbacca, is it?
(beat)
Drink?

Chewbacca picks up the Jim Beam bottle off the Executive’s desk, smashes the top on the edge of the desk to simultaneously break the top off and remove the cap, and then downs the entire bottle with ease.

EXECUTIVE
Well.
(beat)
Well. Okay then. You’re probably wondering about the position you applied for. I did receive your resume, thank you for sending it in to us. But, it’s like I wrote in that email. Did you get my email?

CHEWBACCA
BRUHR?!

EXECUTIVE
Strange. Did you check your spam folder?

CHEWBACCA
ROGGGGGWR.

EXECUTIVE
Well, I also replied to the Linkedin message you sent me, and the text message you sent me, and the voice mail you left me. We’re not hiring.

CHEWBACCA
(curious)
RAWR ROFF RAWRRRRRR AGGGHHHHHRRKS?

EXECUTIVE
We have enough pilots on staff, and many of them have had to be furloughed.

CHEWBACCA
(shocked)
OWWWRRRHHH? OWR.
(pause)
(embarrassed)
OWWWWAAAR?!

EXECUTIVE
No, no, no. I’m not some bounty hunter, like Boba Fett, killing and skinning Wookiees.

The Executive looks up at the ceiling to gather himself, and then back at Chewbacca. He shakes his head back and forth.

EXECUTIVE (CONT’D)
No. No. Furloughed — furlough — means they’re on leave, and in this case, leave without pay.

CHEWBACCA
OWWWWRRRNNNNUUUN.

EXECUTIVE
Anyway. I’m sorry you took —

CHEWBACCA
OWWWWRRRNNNNUUUN. RHHHWWWWHNNNRRGGGGUUURRRR.

EXECUTIVE
Well, frankly, you’re right: you are qualified. I was very impressed by your credentials. And your references.

CHEWBACCA
RAAAAGHHHHH.

EXECUTIVE
You’re welcome.

The Executive digs through a pile of papers, finds many 11 by 17 inch sheets of paper, and pulls them all out from under the pile. He begins scanning them, paging through one sheet after another.

EXECUTIVE (CONT’D)
And honestly, your cover letter really got my attention, especially how you sold yourself as not only a skilled pilot, but also as a soldier, a peacekeeper.

CHEWBACCA
(calmly)
RAWRRR RAAAURRRR. SNRRRRRL.

EXECUTIVE
Ha! I’d like to see that too.

Chewbacca motions with both of his hands, as if he’s ripping something to the ground with each hand.

CHEWBACCA
(ferociously)
RAWRRR RAAAURRRR!!! SNRRRRRL.

EXECUTIVE
(defensively)
Whoa. Wait. No, you just can’t go ripping somebody’s arms off if they enter the cockpit without authorization. Let’s hold it right there.

CHEWBACCA
(questioning)
RWRRRRRRRRRRRRR?

EXECUTIVE
I know. Now THAT is a problem. But, still.

CHEWBACCA
OWWWRRRRR? RUH? AAAWWWWGKKKHKKKKHHH. RAHJR.

The Executive looks at his watch.

EXECUTIVE
Yes, you’re right: it’s almost 11. Thank you for understanding.

Chewbacca points towards the door and stands up.

EXECUTIVE (CONT’D)
Thanks. And thanks for coming in to see me about this. I’ve got to get going.
(pause)
But, you know what? Why don’t you join me.

FADE OUT

FADE IN:
EXT. GOLF COURSE — ESTABLISHING — DAY

CUT TO:
EXT. GOLF COURSE TEEING GROUND — CONTINUOUS

The camera pans across the course to find the Executive and Chewbacca getting ready to tee off. The Executive is wearing his golf attire and baseball hat. Chewbacca is wearing an ugly golf hat and what looks like a Bluetooth wireless headset and is getting ready to hit a golf ball.

SFX: RING

CHEWBACCA
(upset)
RRRRRWWWWWWRAAGHRRRRRRRR!!!

EXECUTIVE
Sorry. Sorry. I’ve got to take this.

The Executive pulls a mobile phone from his pocket, swipes the screen, and puts the phone to his ear.

EXECUTIVE (CONT’D)
Hello.
(pause)
Yes. Yes. Go ahead.
(long pause)
Well, I do. I understand if she doesn’t want to come back into the office.

CHEWBACCA
(apologetically)
ARRRAAAAR. RAAAAWWWRAHHRRRRRR.

EXECUTIVE
Chewbacca sends his regards.
(pause)
Sure. Do you have any temps you can recommend?
(long pause)
Okay. How do you spell that?
(pause)
S-K-Y-W-A-L-K-E-R? And first name?
Luke? Okay. Thanks.

FADE OUT.

THE END