The Joy of Cooking with “Expired” Ingredients: Selected “Old” Food I’ve Eaten Since Home Isolation Began, 2020 March 12th
3 min readMay 24, 2020
“20-day-old” bagged coleslaw mix
- Made my own dressing with mayo, mustard, rice wine vinegar, sweet relish, soy sauce
- Hamburger topping, ate the rest as a side dish
- Taste: great, and this is coming from somebody who is generally not a “coleslaw person”
- After Effects: none so far
“Month-old” sliced turkey breast
- Ate a few slices out of the package, around midnight while sitting on the sofa to watch American Psycho
- Put some slices in my egg white omelette the next day
- Taste: milky
- After Effects: unusual bowel movement seven hours after consumption
“Month-old” peeled garlic in a bag (do not judge me), various sizes, multiple quantities
- Cooked peppers & sausage multiple times during the months of March and April, a bit obsessed with this dish
- Smell Out of the Bag: can only be described as “wet” but not in a good way
- Taste When Cooked: splendid
- After Effects: very very gassy for approximately 48 hours
“Two-week-old” bread
- Grilled cheese, various other dishes with bread, usually toasted or grilled before eating
- See also: ham & cheese below
- Texture Out of the Bag: crouton-y
- Texture After Toasting: brick-like
- Texture After Frying In Butter: heavenly
- Taste: great in all instances
- After Effects: had to brush teeth more rigorously than usual
“Two-month-old” chocolate
- Served with slab of peanut butter for lunch, side of non-expired almond milk
- Taste: excellent
- After Effects: I ate the whole package in one day
“Month-old” honey ham slices
- Grilled ham, avocado, cheese, etc.
- Taste: funny, so the next day I fried it up before eating the rest
- After Effects: will forever fry ham, probably
